David Guetta accidentally releases Calvin Harris track as his own single

Calvin Guetta
Image: 'Digital DJ' http://www.flickr.com/photos/51035555243@N01/308985250

Oh that's just a stupid headline, they don't sound anything alike.

Rihanna takes up strong domestic abuse policy

New album 'Unapologetic' backs the use of force to bring women into line

Rihanna sitting on her massive sexual innuendo cannon Image: 'rihanna' 
http://www.flickr.com/photos/58820009@N05/6216797512

The new album is seen by many as an bold attempt by the Australian singer to distance herself from mad feminist Beyonce while still maintaining the edge that will allow her to compete with twin sisters Lady Gaga and Nicki Minaj for 'Queen of Controversial Things'. Rihanna has dismissed these claims in interview however, saying that "this album isn't about sales, it's about getting an important message out to couples everywhere. Sometimes we women need to be shown our place in a relationship and I believe, if savage enough, a beating can really help"

Rihanna in her downtime, probably shouting at some
woman on Xbox to make her a sandwich
 Image: 'Rihanna "Game With Fame" on Xbox Live' 
http://www.flickr.com/photos/66327609@N00/134939589

While the first single from the album, charting-topping 'Creamy Buns', has stuck to the previously very popular Rihanna formula of salacious suggestion and misquoted children's rhymes, the rest of the album moves into far darker territory:

"Your love hit me to the core, I was fine til you knocked me to the floor" 

"This bruise on the right side of my face, takes me back to a special place"

"Could we become love's persona?"

These are just a few select lyrics from the album, the last of which comes from Chris Brown duet 'Nobody's Business (So Keep Your Nose Out, Mate)' and only one of which has been completely fabricated.

One Dimenson to make 3Direction film

And we here at MME can't wait to see dreamfloat Harry Styles up on the big screen

The 3D effect means it is like the other One Directions have jumped out and are hiding behind you
Image: 'one direction 299' http://www.flickr.com/photos/29103849@N00/6697622121

The film, which is to be made by Disney, is set to be released next year and will include a "Lads On Tour" section, featuring some of their wildest stories, such as the time Niall told twitter:

Just seen a guy pulled in on the M1 right on the start of a slipway! Just goin for a wee where everyone can see him ! Not even hiding

Hahaha! With banter like that, we can't wait to see the full 192 minute long feature film. Sad news though for fans who were hoping to see some of Disney's most famous characters: a spokesman said Mickey Mouse won't be making an appearance, although he did offer us some excitement by promising that it will be "lightsabers all round".

Although plot details have yet to be announced, a 'Harry Styles Dreamboat' Disneyland ride has been revealed, with a section on the Disneyland website reading: "Let Harry's log flume take you on a musical adventure of pounding rhythm but, watch out, you'll get drenched at the end!"

The 'Harry Styles Dreamboat' ride will be aimed at ages five and up. 

Review: 'Our Love Has Solar Equinoxed' by Muse

Not content with just releasing album 'The 2nd LAWL' this year, Muse have put out a new single as part of the Breaking Dawn Part 2 soundtrack, but is it any good?

Matt Bellamy doing a guitar playing
Image: 'Matthew Bellamy' http://www.flickr.com/photos/14726595@N02/1632910575

We really enjoyed 'The 2nd LAWL', so we were a little disappointed when we heard new single 'Our Love Has Solar Equinoxed', which features in the final instalment of the Twilight franchise. 

The clear move tie-in sound effects of wolves howling and vampires vamping gives way to a synth chord riff, which bears more than a passing resemblance to Queen's 'A Kind Of Magic', before moving on to a chorus which sounds a lot like something Queen might have written around the same time as 'Flash'. The lyrics are instantly recognisable as Muse, with the chorus containing a revolutionary call against the New World Order:

"We must stop them / End their reign of terror / But our love has solar equinoxed."

Although this is all very Muse, it is also quite reminiscent of some Queen songs such as 'Fat Bottomed Girls', although singer Matt Bellamy seemed completely unaware of this in interview when he said: "It's actually got quite a INXS-U2-R.E.M.-IDM-IBM- MFI-IKEA-funk-punk-pop feel to it, just this sort of feeling of oppression, knowing that the end of the world is coming and the energy is escaping. And we're just letting them get away with it."

Our verdict: the song is catchy enough, but it's nothing new from the band.

5/10

Top 20 Arctic Monkeys Top 20s that never were

Just like another music magazine, we absolutely love Arctic Monkeys, and that definitely means that the public does too. 

Alex Turner for Prime Minister, he'd be a lot better than that David Cameron HAHAHA
Image: 'Arctic Monkeys Live @ Viena 2009' http://www.flickr.com/photos/34963697@N04/3706027849

Sometimes we have too many Arctic Monkeys articles to publish without just becoming a tribute website for them which we are not at all, so here are the best 'Top 20' Arctic Monkeys lists we made that we spent hours making but weren't chosen to be one of the 100 we were allowed to publish. These are all really good ideas (none of them are rubbish and there is no way I ran out of inspiration near the end/half way through):

20. Top 20 videos of Arctic Monkeys soundchecks

19. Top 20 Arctic Monkeys cups of tea (by caffeine content)

18. Top 20 pictures of Arctic Monkeys wearing hats

18. Top 20 Arctic Monkeys cups of tea (by number of sugars)

17. Top 20 gigs Arctic Monkeys probably wore shoes at

16. Top 20 times people heard an Arctic Monkeys ringtone on a bus

15. Top 20 videos of Arctic Monkeys removing coats as they entered a building

14. Top 20 Arctic Monkeys cups of tea (by darkness of colour after adding milk)

13. Top 20 pictures of Arctic Monkeys in their houses (from outside a window)

12. Top 20 pictures of Arctic Monkeys in their houses (from behind the sofa)

11. Top 20 times Alex Turner said the word "cake"

10. Top 20 pictures of Alex Turner with wet hair after a shower

9. Top 20 times we corrected an inaccurate Arctic Monkeys lyric

8. Top 20 pairs of ripped jeans worn by Arctic Monkeys

7. Top 20 Arctic Monkeys interviews with one band member missing

6. Top 20 pictures of Arctic Monkeys wearing shoes with no socks

5. Top 20 tweets sent by Arctic Monkeys to fans who were ill

4. Top 20 Arctic Monkeys-inspired YouTube account names

3. Top 20 videos of Arctic Monkeys eating sandwiches

2. Top 20 Arctic Monkeys cups of tea (by particle density)

1. Top 20 journalists Arctic Monkeys have restraining orders for

One Direction: Our Top 5

With the release of their second album, we take a look at our favourite hits so far

One Direction performing early hit 'You Are Tearing Me Apart Lisa', from the soundtrack to 'The Room"
Image: 'One Direction' http://www.flickr.com/photos/76753780@N02/7073562169

One Direction have only released five singles so far (although future hit 'Little Things' will be out soon), which is a perfectly valid reason for any musical website or blog to arrange them into some sort of order and call it a "Top 5", although One Direction are so sexy and dreamy (yet still marketable to a younger 'Disney" audience) that really all of their songs are our favourites.

5. 'More Than This'

This amazing and charming ballad only made it to number 86 on the charts, which is really really bad, even old and practically dead people like Gary Barlow can probably get a higher number than that. Luckily for One Direction, there are still some fans of the song, such as YouTube's own Casey White, who (for real) wrote:

"I'm a guy, and I'm not gay. But 1D honestly is very talented. Whoever doesn't like them does not know good music! :)"

Forty people gave that a thumbs up within 17 hours. 

4. 'Gotta Be You'

In a clever move to target not just teen girls, but also their mothers, One Direction wear a selection of outfits here that could either be from Topman or Marks & Spencer, making dreamboat Harry Styles look really amazing with all his hair, which makes the song good. 

3. 'One Thing'

One thing that makes One Direction so unique and good is that all their songs have really nice melodies that no one has ever heard before ever. 

2. 'Live While We're Young'

When this song was released, some people said the guitar riff sounded quite a lot like a song by The Clash, which was not very nice and made lots of true fans say that was wrong. This was backed up by dreamgoat Harry Styles, who told the BBC that: "It's kind of on purpose though", because as we all know, plagiarism on purpose doesn't count.

1. 'What Makes You Beautiful'

Not just the best song by One Direction, but quite possibly the best song of all time. This completely original hit which doesn't sound like anything else was the single that introduced most of the world to dreamcoat Harry Styles and his friends, who are now so famous that they might even be playing at the White House =/ Please don't steal our One Direction America!!!

Fearne Cotton banned from Radio 1

31 year old presenter is now "too old" to appeal to 15 - 29 age group of target audience

Fearne Cotton (left) in younger years with fellow ageing star Marina (of Diamonds fame) in 2011
Image: 'Fearne & Marina' http://www.flickr.com/photos/26674411@N00/4633019177

Not content with refusing to play "irrelevant" and "really old, like properly ancient" singer Robbie Williams' chart-topping hit 'Candice', Radio 1 have continued their ruthless modernisation of the brand by banning popular DJ Fearne Cotton from being heard on the radio station either, saying she was "no longer relevant" for their target audience of 15 to 15 year olds, and it really has nothing to do with her age, at all.

Although Ms Cotton will remain an employee of the station, and continue to present her weekly radio show in the 10am to 1pm slot, a statement released by producers has revealed that loud feedback and static will be played every time she speaks, in an attempt to hide her old and decrepit voice. 

A trial run of this patent-pending technique on Thursday resulted in a total of just over 78 minutes of the static/feedback combination being played. Most viewers agreed that it was the most intelligent Fearne Cotton has ever sounded, although famous old woman Jo Brand attacked the move for being "sexist and ageist".

Radio 1's current poster boy, 28 year old Nick 'Grimmy' Grimshaw defended the decision, confusingly citing incorrect target audience ages: "I really like Fearne, she is just so absolutely lovely, and we always have a great time when she comes to a party with me and Harry Styles, but I'm just not sure she's who 13 or 14 year olds want to listen to. They have people like One Direction and Adele Jr who they would rather listen to." He then went on to add, in a cheeky yet charmingly disarming way: "Oh, and me of course!"

Nick 'Grimmy' Grimshaw's predecessor Chris Moyles attempted to comment, but as he was almost 40 when he stopped presenting the Radio 1 Breakfast Show, the station refuses to even mention him on air, a scandal which has provoked a campaign from the Daily Mail.