Muse and Biffy Clyro start feud over Scottish independence

Things in the rock world get ugly as the bands take opposites sides over the referendum

The scene of the brawl in Edinburgh today

Two of Britain's biggest bands today sparked fears of nationwide fan violence after they started fighting over the issue of Scottish independence. Biffy Clyro's new album 'Opposhits' is said to be the cause of the initial aggression, with lyrics on pro-independence song 'Imagiwank' going: "Don't worry baby / We'll break apart / Escape the English / Explode their hearts / Woo woo woo woo yeah woo woo independence".

On hearing the song, Muse's Matt Bellamy took to twitter to accuse 'the Biff' of being part of an SNP conspiracy, as well as personally attacking the band (scroll down to see a selection of his tweets). Biffy singer Neil Simon retaliated by charging down Edinburgh's Royal Mile with a glass bottle of Irn-Bru and engaging Muse in open battle. Muse fought valiantly, constructing catapults from drum sticks and firing Matt Bellamy's 376 guitar pedals at the enemy, but the sheer size and scale of overproduction on Biffy's album was too overwhelming, with last-man-standing Muse drummer Dom Howard finally being brought down by a brutal 20 second multi-tracked "woah". 

To avoid civilian deaths, and in an attempt to settle the issue, it is understood that Muse alcoholic Chris Wolstenhome has given up sobriety to challenge his boozy Biffy counterpart Ben Johnston to a drinking competition. The other two members of each band are playing their part by signing up to a tornado tag match at WWE's upcoming Summer Slam event. 

Just like the independence referendum itself, the outcome of these challenges are uncertain, although everyone can agree that Muse's album was a lot better. 

Some of Matt Bellamy's tweets:

Photo credit to Léa Reviron

Some HILARIOUS music-based jokes

These witticisms are sure to have you rolling on the floor and laughing out loud

Image: 'Crossing Border 2011 - Smith & Burrows' 
http://www.flickr.com/photos/8816624@N08/6357781709

Adele walks into a bar. Animal services are called and Adele is taken to a nearby pond.

Leona Lewis walks into a bar. The barman says "Why the long face?". She neighs at him, shits on the floor and begins chewing on a nearby bale of hay.

Liam and Noel Gallagher walk into a bar. They have a pint together despite their differences and NME reporters are left without a soundbite.

Stacey Solomon walks into a bar. The barman says  "Why the long face?". She says "AH DUNNO IT'S JUST THE WAY MA FACE WUZ MADE I GUESS" before smiling confusedly.

Biffy Clyro walk into a bar. The patrons and bar staff immediately evacuate the bar due to the danger of being in such an enclosed space with such a terrible band.

Razorlight's Andy Burrows walks into a bar. The barman says "Why the long face?" He says "I'm so anonymous that at the start of jokes about me the prefix 'Razorlight's' has to be used or else people may not get the reference. Even then it's still not very likely".

What's the difference between Bono and God? One is a singer and one doesn't exist.

Coldplay walk into a bar. They all order pints of beer and the patrons of the bar applaud rapturously, with one being heard saying "Oh, you know, they may not be cool but I really like what Coldplay do" before starting a football chant.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is invited to a fancy dress party where the theme is famous composers. He says "No thanks, this seems like a overly complicated set up to a punchline".

What do a mole and Nicki Minaj have in common? They both have Lady Gaga for a sister, except the mole.

Biffy Clyro Debut New Tracks Online!

Scotch rockers Biffy Clyro have released several songs from their forthcoming double album "Opposhits" online. 

Neil Simon: "Screw the moon, it's sitting
in a giant spoon"
Image: 'Biffy Clyro
' http://www.flickr.com/photos/28946048@N00/2671058058

Fast-paced "Spunk Monkey" has an angry verse riff in an unconventional 4/4 timing before moving to a huge stadium rock chorus in the more traditional time signature of 4/4. Lead singer Neil Simon said of the song: "It's just this big song to go wild to, about being all Scottish and jumping and things". 

Keen to show another side to "Opposhits", which is due to be released in January 2013, the second track which made its online debut today is "Miracles In Many Places", an almost folksy lament about being Scottish which contains the heart-wrenching chorus: 

I don't believe in miracles/ They're probably not real/ But Scottish mist is misty/ In my heart that's what I feel." 

While it is unlikely that these two tracks represent "Opposhits" as a whole, it will certainly put worried fans' minds at rest, who had initially feared a drastic change of style from the award-winning format and large production of 2009's "Many Of Horrors".