Breaking News 2023: Amazon goes into administration

News has reached MME that online retailer Amazon has gone into administration this morning, with most leading experts and industry commentators agreeing that they simply failed to adapt to the times, with public opinion polling clearly showing that paying for music, film or anything creative is now a hugely outdated concept. 

Amazon HQ in Sector 16
By Horia Varlan

Amazon's downfall marks another victory for The Cloud, now the only way to access music or film over the internet. It will also be the final nail in the coffin for many musicians, after the live industry collapsed two years ago due to advancements in 3D mobile filming and streaming, leaving many fans choosing to stay at home and watch for free. 

It's not all doom and gloom for the music industry though, with Reading and Leeds announcing bionic pop star Rihanna as this year's headliner, with holograms of her performance last year playing on the second stage. Other acts announced include Mumford & Sons who will perform songs from their new album 'Sigh No More XII' and Skrillex, who last month launched his "DJ Everywhere" company after surrendering himself completely to technology and uploading himself to the internet.

A statement issued by The Cloud's leading AI model Mark Zuckerberg said that, if anything, the result will be good for the music business as: "Now all music will be in the one place, along with all your pictures, favourite films and personal information. It's easier than ever to connect with your friends and really get to know them!" The music in one place comment is particularly true, after The Cloud bought all patents to CD, tape, and vinyl players and immediately shut down all production. 

With overwhelming evidence from industry experts, financial advisors and The Cloud itself (Gigabyte protect us), it seems that letting Amazon die is a thing we should just definitely allow to happen and not bother trying to stop at all. 

Mumford & Sons to release range of cardigans

"It's not what you think" says lead singer and dad Marky Mumford

Marvin Mumford has surprised fans with his latest move
 http://www.flickr.com/photos/mikemike/3558491113/ By prusakolep

In a bizarre move that could cost the authentic folk band millions, and amid cries of a factory mix up, Mumford & Sons have announced the launch of a series of inflatable dolls based on Swedish rock band The Cardigans. 

Band frontman and father Mike Mumford insists there is no mistake and is confident that the range will once and for all settle the question of their folk validity, saying: "We are the most authentic folk band ever, and if this doesn't convince you we are also in talks with the government and water companies about releasing a range of pipes next year."

The dolls (which are made from environmentally friendly materials such as recycled hemp bags and Laura Marling's tears) go on sale tomorrow with the RRP of £19.99, which includes the doll itself, a poem about sustainability, and a stomp activated foot pump.